Why Groups of Three Can Challenge Friendships—But Don’t Have to Be a Nightmare
Imagine this: your phone buzzes with a message in your group chat. Two of your closest friends are cheering you on after you ask for advice about texting your crush. But soon, the topic shifts—suddenly, they’re laughing about an inside joke that you’re not part of. That pang of exclusion? It’s a common pitfall of three-person friendships.
“There’s always the potential for someone to feel like a third wheel if the other two are closer or share a stronger connection,” says friendship expert and author, Irene S. Levine.
However, trios don’t have to be friendship minefields. With intentional effort, they can thrive.
According to Shasta Nelson, social relationships expert and author, the nature of friendship with three people is often comparatively measurable. “Groups of three can be tricky because there’s always another relationship within the trio to compare yours to,” says Shasta Nelson. “It’s unrealistic to expect every interaction to include all three people equally all the time.”
The shift in this dynamic requires self-awareness. A shift in expectation and understanding what you need from the friendship helps prevent disappointment.
Life changes; so do friendships. Marriages, moves, or experiences can shift the dynamics of a trio, forming closer bonds between two members. “Navigating these shifts requires confidence, maturity, and grace,” Nelson adds.
Technology can amplify these challenges. When two friends share a similar experience, their connection may deepen, leaving the third feeling sidelined. And in the world of texting, messages can be misunderstood or poorly worded, sparking unnecessary conflict. “In texting, even good friends may be less thoughtful about how they communicate,” Levine warns.
Trios take work—consider the friendship like a plant that needs regular watering. Nelson explains that within the trio, there are four distinct relationships to nurture: A/B, A/C, B/C, and the collective A/B/C. “Each relationship will have its own rhythms, expectations, and benefits,” she says.
Important are the rituals where all three spend time together and, within the trio, one-on-one connections. Open communication can help avoid feelings of exclusion.
For others, it’s too much: the complexity of three-person friendships. “If someone feels like a third wheel, they may decide to prioritize individual relationships with the other two,” Levine says.
Yet with mutual understanding and effort, three-person friendships can be very rewarding. “When nourished with care, a trio can become a source of joy and meaningful connection,” Nelson says.
The bottom line? Communication, self-awareness, and a little grace can go a long way in making three-person friendships work.
